My Healing Adventure, continued

I am getting some valuable insights from introspection while breathing deeply, journaling, and affirming. It seems I need to get more angry. The liver is the seat of anger, and that's where the cancer has spread to. I find it extremely difficult to let myself get really angry. I have been so thoroughly trained, by my studies of psychology, to understand why people behave irrationally. I don't forgive them, but "make allowances".

I find myself reasoning thus: a little upset is not worth getting angry about. I'll save my wrath for really big upsets. However,  since I am not in the habit of letting my negtive ffelinggs out, I don't even get angry when something big bothers me. The conclusion I have come to is to let my feelings out (in a safe place) about the slightest thing. That way, I'll be in the habit of expressing them also when a big upset comes along.

On another subject--When I  heard that the cancer had spread from my colon, my first thought was, "I must live long enough to finish my memoirs". The second thought was, "I must clean up my life, so the people who have to handle my affairs after my death will have the minimum of messes to cope with. I found myself not only deleting emails, but also unsubscribing from good causes that do not have priority for me. I am also terminating my membership in various organizations, not only to save money, but also to have fewer things to think about.

My Healing Adventure continued

Yesterday I had my first treatment, which took all morning. My daughters Eldri and Aletha both accompanied me and took notes. First we had an hour-long "Teaching" from a  physicians' assistant. Then, while sitting in a comfortable chair, with a warm blanket over me, I received intra-venous Avastin for almost two hours. During that time, we got further information from a social worker, a patient finance coordinator, the special Australian coordinator for this study, and my oncologist. There is no support group for people with my kind of cancer. That must mean it is not very common. 

So far I am not suffering from nausea, in spite of having taken six pills of Zeloda yesterday and three so far today. I hope it continues this way!

(I am alarmed by the multiple possible side-effects of both of these medications. However, I have been given  pills or ideas of how to counteract most of them. I am overwhelmed by an overload of information, both written and oral. I am impressed by the wide variety of free help for cancer patients available in this town.  I realize that cancer research, treatment, and auxiliary care are all well financed. This disease seems to have captured the imagination of people more than any other.)

MY HEALING ADVENTURE

I have decided to post on my blog a running account of my adventure with cancer.

In the middle of November, 2007, I started having acute abdominal pain. After some false diagnoses, a second CT scan revealed the need for a colonoscopy. On Dec. 3 I was hospitalized, and a tumor was found in my colon. A laporoscopic colonectomy on Dec. 6 removed a walnut-sized cancerous tumor, along with half of my colon. However, they could not guarantee that all the cancer cells had been caught.  

( I have a hard time inserting myself into the ever-growing category of "people with cancer". I never expected to find myself here.)

A few months later, I started having abdominal discomfort, with bloating, gas, sometimes cramps, low-grade nausea, and many almost sleepless nights. My gastroenterologist ordered: blood tests--negative, ultrasound--negative, endoscopy--a small tumor on my duodenum. 

He sent me to an oncologist at the Cancer Center. Another CT scan revealed a 4-centimeter-in-diameter cancerous tumor, stage 4, on my liver, plus other small spots.

It so happens that my very own oncologist & the local Cancer Center are taking part in a nation-wide clinical trial "...to evaluate the efficacy and safety of Avastin in combination with Xeloda in frail [or elderly] patients with untreated metastatic colorectal cancer".

I had a preliminary conference ad exam last week, and am scheduled to start the study on August 28. It will consist of a 21-cycle, where Avastin will be given once intravenously, and oral Zeloda will be taken twice a day for 14 days, followed by 7 days off. After each 3-cycle period, a CT scan will be made.

I can stop the study any time, and the doctor can stop it anytime also. If it helps it will be continued as long as the tumor is shrinking. It is sponsored by Genentech, who  pays for the expensive Avastin. All the rest is covered by Medicare.

(I am excited about taking part in this experiment. I know I must be prepared for serious side-effects, but if I can get uninterrupted sleep it will be worth it. And I like the idea of adding to the store of human knowledge and perhaps helping other cancer patients. My family and friends, on whom I rely for rides now that I no longer have a car, are very supportive and helpful.)