Pot Pourri

My Healing Adventure, continued

2008-09-05T16:46:00.000-07:00

I am getting some valuable insights from introspection while breathing deeply, journaling, and affirming. It seems I need to get more angry. The liver is the seat of anger, and that's where the cancer has spread to. I find it extremely difficult to let myself get really angry. I have been so thoroughly trained, by my studies of psychology, to understand why people behave irrationally. I don't forgive them, but "make allowances".

I find myself reasoning thus: a little upset is not worth getting angry about. I'll save my wrath for really big upsets. However, since I am not in the habit of letting my negtive ffelinggs out, I don't even get angry when something big bothers me. The conclusion I have come to is to let my feelings out (in a safe place) about the slightest thing. That way, I'll be in the habit of expressing them also when a big upset comes along.

On another subject--When I heard that the cancer had spread from my colon, my first thought was, "I must live long enough to finish my memoirs". The second thought was, "I must clean up my life, so the people who have to handle my affairs after my death will have the minimum of messes to cope with. I found myself not only deleting emails, but also unsubscribing from good causes that do not have priority for me. I am also terminating my membership in various organizations, not only to save money, but also to have fewer things to think about.

My Healing Adventure continued

2008-08-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my first treatment, which took all morning. My daughters Eldri and Aletha both accompanied me and took notes. First we had an hour-long "Teaching" from a physicians' assistant. Then, while sitting in a comfortable chair, with a warm blanket over me, I received intra-venous Avastin for almost two hours. During that time, we got further information from a social worker, a patient finance coordinator, the special Australian coordinator for this study, and my oncologist. There is no support group for people with my kind of cancer. That must mean it is not very common.

So far I am not suffering from nausea, in spite of having taken six pills of Zeloda yesterday and three so far today. I hope it continues this way!

(I am alarmed by the multiple possible side-effects of both of these medications. However, I have been given pills or ideas of how to counteract most of them. I am overwhelmed by an overload of information, both written and oral. I am impressed by the wide variety of free help for cancer patients available in this town. I realize that cancer research, treatment, and auxiliary care are all well financed. This disease seems to have captured the imagination of people more than any other.)

MY HEALING ADVENTURE

2008-08-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

I have decided to post on my blog a running account of my adventure with cancer.

In the middle of November, 2007, I started having acute abdominal pain. After some false diagnoses, a second CT scan revealed the need for a colonoscopy. On Dec. 3 I was hospitalized, and a tumor was found in my colon. A laporoscopic colonectomy on Dec. 6 removed a walnut-sized cancerous tumor, along with half of my colon. However, they could not guarantee that all the cancer cells had been caught.

( I have a hard time inserting myself into the ever-growing category of "people with cancer". I never expected to find myself here.)

A few months later, I started having abdominal discomfort, with bloating, gas, sometimes cramps, low-grade nausea, and many almost sleepless nights. My gastroenterologist ordered: blood tests--negative, ultrasound--negative, endoscopy--a small tumor on my duodenum.

He sent me to an oncologist at the Cancer Center. Another CT scan revealed a 4-centimeter-in-diameter cancerous tumor, stage 4, on my liver, plus other small spots.

It so happens that my very own oncologist & the local Cancer Center are taking part in a nation-wide clinical trial "...to evaluate the efficacy and safety of Avastin in combination with Xeloda in frail [or elderly] patients with untreated metastatic colorectal cancer".

I had a preliminary conference ad exam last week, and am scheduled to start the study on August 28. It will consist of a 21-cycle, where Avastin will be given once intravenously, and oral Zeloda will be taken twice a day for 14 days, followed by 7 days off. After each 3-cycle period, a CT scan will be made.

I can stop the study any time, and the doctor can stop it anytime also. If it helps it will be continued as long as the tumor is shrinking. It is sponsored by Genentech, who pays for the expensive Avastin. All the rest is covered by Medicare.

(I am excited about taking part in this experiment. I know I must be prepared for serious side-effects, but if I can get uninterrupted sleep it will be worth it. And I like the idea of adding to the store of human knowledge and perhaps helping other cancer patients. My family and friends, on whom I rely for rides now that I no longer have a car, are very supportive and helpful.)

DEATH COMES IN AS FOG (FOR RAY HUTTON--1998)

2008-08-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

As death crept closer and closer you faded little by little

No more interest in Jim Lehrer's News Hour on TV

No more attention for Garrison Keeler

No more reaction to my reading aloud

No more disgust at noisy neighbor

Unable to eat without spilling

Unable to swallow

Unable to talk

...

MY DEAR OLD EUROPE

2008-08-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

When I was seventeen you first seduced me with your antiquity. After four months I took reluctant leave, vowing to return.

Seven year later you sent a dashing young Swiss man to bring me to Zurich. I had come home!

Swiss jobs could not compete with American ones. After two years husband tore me away from you in the midst of your turmoil. You sent messages and emissaries--poor substitutes for your embrace.

A one-year Fulbright grant to Cambridge, England, eight years later, satisfied my passion temporarily. I immersed myself in your deep roots.

After seven years, a Ford Foundation grant to CERN took pity, brought me back to my adopted country for one year. I hiked again in your exquisite landscapes.

The US Office of Naval Research extended that stay to two years. I luxuriated in culture-rich London.

The University of Geneva made my stay permanent. No longer in exile, I learned French, explored your countries.

Alas--after ten years, entanglement with re-married ex-husband made me resist your charm. I escaped to USA. Would I ever find such tasty fruit as yours anywhere else?

Three years later, now-divorced ex-husband, son, two granddaughters brought me back to you. What a joy to speak French and German again!

After seven more exquisite years, ex-husband died. Two daughters and two grandchildren beckoned me to California. Could I ride such trains as yours in the New World?

On a month's return pilgrimage three years later, I wept for one week, saying, "I may never see Europe again." I was released from my fifty-year-long infatuation.

My passion spent and free from compulsion, I enjoyed an October visit with you, again seven years later.

Finally, after eight more years, I saw you for the last time. I am now fully content with pictures and visits from European relatives and friends.

EFFICIENCY

2008-08-11T09:58:00.000-07:00

World War II

Coal severely rationed

Modest Zurich apartment

Small corner stove

Keeps us cozy warm

With unrationed wood

In tiny stove oven

Rice pudding simmers

On lines behind

Damp towels hang

Up on top

Orange peels dry

Scent entire room

INVISIBLE GIFTS

2008-08-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

Invisible gifts

are my favorite kind

Your encouraging word

on a dismal day

Your noticing in me

a hidden quality

Your forgiveness

for my thoughtlessness

No one can take these gifts

away from me

SOME BREAKFASTS I HAVE KNOWN

2008-08-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

In England you get kidney pie, cold toast, and marmalade

In France you find hot croissants, butter, jam, and cafe au lait

In Switzerland you may taste creamy hot chocolate with warm rolls

(Let's not speak of Italy where breakfast is an after-thought)

In Norway a full smoergassbord is laid out

In Greece eggs swim in olive oil

In Israel fresh cucumbers and cool yogurt start the day

In China water rice gruel and pickled meat work better that

their attempt at fried eggs and toast

In America it depends on where you eat

At Motel 6 stale Danish and strong coffee greet you in the lobby

At the Radisson a glorified continental breakfast awaits you, with granola,

fresh fruit, and orange juice thrown in

At IHOP you break your fast with eggs and ham, hash browns, pancakes and syrup, toast and jam, and plenty of coffee

At home I have Malt-O-Meal, raisin bread toast, and cereal coffee

fresh fruit

2008-08-09T21:05:00.001-07:00

LOOKING AT A SMALL TREE KNOT

2008-08-09T16:55:00.000-07:00

At first glance you are an ugly blackish lump

arid shrunk

Next you are a crouching bunny rabbit

with long ears hiding from Farmer Brown

Then I notice your tiny striations

at different angles

like miniature rock layers showing geologic time

Your rough surface irritates my finger

you seem to be porous about to fall apart

I shall be careful with you

But you are shedding fragments

messing up my paper as I write

I brush the crumbs away

I put you down

admire your fragile intricate structure

gasp at the reckless extravagance of nature

A FLOWER CALLED WORRY

2008-08-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

From this rose

petals plucked

now set free

waft away

worries all

one by one

DREAM GODDESS

2008-08-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

Slim smooth snake, rising from tall grasses,

Do you bring temptation, or a store of wisdom?

I am not Eve, condemned, succumbing to your wiles.

I am the Cretan goddess, choosing to play with you.

Dance with me--let your energy insinuate my body,

Loosen my joints, permeate my muscles, liberate my spirit.

Twisting, swaying, undulating, abandoning into ecstasy--both of us free.

MUSINGS ON THE VERANDA AT FAIRVIEW GARDEN FARM, WHILE OTHERS ARE TOURING THE GROUNDS...

2008-07-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to read

And no errands to run

I am sprawled in my chair

My face to the warm sun

Up above--leafless tree

All branched stark in a pose

I'm not moving--asleep

A fly lands on my nose

The tall pepper tree droops

Its dry leaves to the ground

And some tiny red berries

Are down there to be found

Old dead vines on the trunk

There's an ancient tree house

A fine refuge for children

And--oh--many a mouse

Some vague traffic I hear

But far off in the street

Fresh manure spread out

Gives my nostrils a treat

I have nothing to do

A rare moment indeed

And just being myself

Is now all that I need

AT NINETY YEARS OF AGE, JUNE 13, 2005

2008-07-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

On the one hand:

My back is a board breaking in two

My ankle tips my foot over

My knee buckles my step

Forgotten appointments pass me by like indifferent strangers

Someone said, "Stiff upper lip"--I heard, "Jack the ripper"

"The" becomes "teh" when I type

I learn how to delete a file on my computer--next time, I learn all over again

On the other hand:

Every day for half an hour I become a vigorous fish

While driving a freeway at night, I see a cat's eyes

When I read, I spot every typo

In native French writing, I catch misspellings

In someone's logic, I find holes

I conduct a group like an orchestra, with no score

When making love, I am an athlete

LAUGHTER IS LIKE A FEATHER

2008-07-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

A tinkle of laughter flits around

upside-down side-ways

now here now there

tickling my funny bone

widening my grin

FEAR OF DEATH

2008-06-24T10:07:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed how we Americans avoid the word "die"? We use euphemisms, such as, "pass away","go to heaven", or, irreverently, "kick the bucket"--anything to avoid that taboo word. We don't allow children to attend funerals. Everything is very hush-hush when someone is "deceased".

Not all cultures have this attitude. Look at the Mexicans, with their annual "Day of the Dead". At our Hallowe'en time, they dwell on death, in what some people would call a morbid way. But they make fun of it, demystify it, with candy skeletons and cookie death masks. This approaches a cult of the dead, in sharp contrast with our avoidance of the dead.

In Europe, where the wearing of black is a sign of mourning, some older women have all-black wardrobes, as someone in their entourage is always dying. Men show their respect less conspicuously with black arm bands.

Why are we American so different? One reason is the attitude of our medical doctors. We already look up to them with exaggerated deference. When we see "Dr" in front of someone's name, we automatically assume it refers to a medical degree. We treat them as authorities, not to be questioned. It is therefore not surprising that the prestige we attach to them spills over into adapting their attitude toward death. As savers of life they are taught to see death as their enemy. Whenever they can save a life, no matter at what cost, they claim a victory in the never-ending battle between life and death. It's no wonder we take over this attitude, without thinking.

In addition, as a still-young culture, we worship youth. Old age and dying are not valued. No wonder we try to hide evidences of age and accompanying failing health, by resorting to Botox, plastic surgery, hair pieces.

The economic consequences of this attitude can be felt in our approach to health care. As we are gradually reaching the conclusion that universal, single-payer insurance is the only feasible, affordable way to counter ever-rising health care costs, we find a large stumbling block in our path: our "don't touch" attitude toward severe illness and dying. Instead of prolonging life at exhorbitant cost, we will be obliged to ration end-of-life treatment. The word "ration" scares people. But health care is already rationed, in an "irrational" way: those who can afford it obtain the best care, and live long. The poor take an aspirin, and die young.

"Rational" rationing uses money on preventive care, prevention and early treatment of large-scale illnesses, like malaria, malnutrition, AIDS. care according to need. Spending thousands to keep one nonogenarian alive will be eliminated. This may seem hard-hearted. But I just turned 93. I have signed documents stating that I do not wish heroic measures to be used in order to prolong my life.

As a society we must overcome our reluctance to face dying and death, not think of them as enemies, but as friends. If, as Hospice has discovered, using palliative measures to reduce pain can help make the dying process be a time of reflection, reminiscing about old times, mending relationships if necessary, preparing for death in a peaceful way.

Only when we have overcome our fear of death will we achieve truly universal health insurance.

DEPOLARIZATION PROGRAM

2008-06-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

THESIS ANTITHESIS SYNTHESIS

OUT THERE

either or both/and

yes no maybe

hot cold tepid

above below middle

outside inside on the threshold

up down in between

hard soft malleable

white black gray

forward backward stationary

right left center

always never sometimes

full empty half full/half empty

tight loose adjustable

day night dusk/dawn

summer winter fall/spring

ice steam water

ACTIONS

planned unplanned happened

complicated simplistic clear

hair-splitting generalized differentiated

true false imagined

agreement disagreement negotiation

good evil fitting

status quo kept revolution peaceful change

beautiful ugly tasteful

left-wing right-wing middle-of-the-road

reduced increased maintained

PEOPLE

I you we

male female both

optimist pessimist realist

believer atheist knowing

systematic disorganized spontaneous

for against neutral

law-abiding lawless using judgment

orderly disorderly flexible

efficient inefficient muddling through

consistent inconsistent supple

competent incompetent managing

saving wasteful generous

stable unstable adaptable

controlling laissez-faire giving leeway

competitive giving in cooperative

loving hating ambivalent

coherent incoherent fluctuating

peaceful belligerent dynamic

correct incorrect discriminating

driven paralyzed active

passive aggressive enterprising

too honest lying discrete

calm agitated alive

right wrong creative

happy sad congruent

giving taking sharing

ceding standing firm compromising

prejudiced gullible discerning

objective subjective fantasizing

opinionated no opinion differentiating

DEPOLARIZATION continued

2008-06-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

A DREAM IMAGE

My eye is opened wider now, and sees as ne'er before

the endless possibilities of life and love on earth.

When it was closed, no leeway was available to me

between the poles at right and left, upon an axis straight;

But when I opened it I found there's more room in between

than at each end, no matter how secure that might have seemed.

If I should hap to close my eye, I'd lose my way at once.

So I shall keep it open now, and not shut down again.

DEPOLARIZATION

2008-06-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

POEM: INTOLERANCE OF AMBIGUITY

I don't like Middleness!

I'm tired of people making fun of me for my Middle West connection.

(When we were planning to move from Princeton, NJ, to Iowa City, IA, back in my native territory, a friend exclaimed, "I would rather die than live in the Middle West!")

I don't feel good about being Middle Class

inhabiting the Temperate Zone

living moderately

even sitting in the Midde of a restaurant.

On a questionnaire, I answer

"Strongly agree" or "Strongly disagree"

Middle-of-the-roader?

Could cause a traffic accident

Fence-sitter?

Could topple over

Different shades of gray?

Black or white is neater

Lukewarm people?

"God spews them out of His mouth"

Revelation 3:16

You say "Trying"?

Shit or get off the pot

I'm glad my home is not in the Middle of the triplex!

ON TRUE THINKING

2008-06-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

HOW TO BE RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL AT THE SAME TIME

We have two radically different viewpoints to deal with: Rene Descartes' famous dictum,"I think, therefore I am", which epitomizes the hyper-intellectualizing , and its contemporary paraphrase, "I feel, therefore I am", which sums up the non-rational.

Why is there so much confusion about the word "thinking"? Where is the truth in all this? We can be enlightened by looking at the history of thinking. As long as nature was largely an enigma, and life-threatening, people's thinking was contaminated by painful emotions: fear, anxiety, worry, which led to erroneous beliefs and superstitions. Even the clearest thinkers had difficulty distinguishing rational from irrational ideas. I find it significant that all the early revolutionary scientists had some blatant blind spots, which let superstitition sneak into their otherwise accurate view of reality. Ever since the 17th century, at least in the scientific movement of the western world, a great deal of effort has been spent on making all observations objective and unclouded by personal feelings or wishes, to separate fact from fancy. This was an admirable, healthy, and necessary development, but it has gone too far. What was at first a refreshing new attitude has turned into a one-sided arid one, going so far as to claim: you cannot think straight if you have any feelings on the subject.

As a result, over the last 300 years, generations of scholars and researchers have struggled to separate their thinking from their feelings. In the process of becoming ever more intellectually sophisticated, they remained underdeveloped, even impoverished emotionally. Simultaneously, large numbers of people who cannot understand this "hard" science, because of its increasingly abstract and obscure nature, have been falling for irrational movements, where feelings and desires come into their own. So, while our world is being transformed by computer dating, genetic engineering, space rockets, and in danger of annihilation by nuclear weapons, we are being inundated by food faddists, anti-vaccine fanatics, UFO sighters, creationists, and stem cell research deniers.

In summary we can state: when the scientists decided to eliminate any knowledge not obtained by the cold, rigorous scientific method, they were trying to get rid of distressed feeling. In this process they lost also rational feelings, and threw out the baby with the bath water. At the same time, those who think science has gone too far, or are dissatisfied with its one-sidedness, have become anti-scientific and anti-intellectual. In their laudable attempt to get the baby back, they are getting the dirty water along with it!

Feelings of distress need to be felt, not acted upon. Thus, when we have gotten rid of our painful emotions, we will emerge with rational feelings: love for our fellow human beings, the earth around us, and the entire universe. These feelings, in turn, can inform and humanize our thinking.

Here is a table that can help us distinguish more clearly among three kinds of mental activity, all of which can go under the title: "True Thinking".

INTELLECTUAL EMOTIONAL RATIONAL

Devoid of feeling Based on painful emotion Based on love & zest

Out of touch with reality Rigid--closed system Flexible

Logical but heavy Illogical Logical & buoyant

Complicated Simplistic Clear

Hair-splitting Over-generalized Differentiated

Asks wrong questions Ready-made answers Leads to new questions

Theoretical Jumps to conclusions Leads to concrete

action & practical conclusions

A POEM

2008-06-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

CONVERSATION IN TONIA'S CLOTHES CLOSET--2006

"I've never seen you before--where did you come from?", remarked the black slacks to the light blue rick-rack trimmed, full-skirted dress hanging next to her.

"Oh, I'm a 'hand-me-up' from Tonia's daughter. She gained so much weight she couldn't close my zipper...Are you a 'hand-me-up' too?"

"No. I'm a 'hand-me-over', from a friend who didn't want to take me with her when she moved to Hawaii".

"Well--I'm a 'hand-me-down'", boasted a black sweater on the other side. "Tonia found me among her mother's clothes, after she died in 1996. I've been keeping my new owner warm ever since."

"As long as you're all giving yourselves titles, I can say I'm a 'bought-me-new' from Sears", boasted a crisp cotton turquoise dress with red trim. "There aren't many of us in this wardrobe".

"I'm a 'bought-me-new' also", proclaimed a knitted woolen turquoise dress", a gift from her aunt, who knew I was Tonia's favorite color".

"I'm another 'hand-me-down', but the most elegant garment in this whole closet", triumphed a sleek black dress and jacket printed with large red flowers and green leaves. Tonia chose me among the many clothes her aunt left when she died, in 1994. She always dressed in the height of fashion".

"Tonia certainly keeps her clothes a long time", piped up a full, multi-colored skirt. " I bet I'm the oldest, and the only 'sewn -by-hand' on this rack. Tonia made me in Concord, California, back in 1971. I've accompanied her on all her travels...I don't wrinkle, show dirt, or need a slip under me".

"You may be the only 'sewn-by-hand', but I'm the oldest!", exclaimed a soft brown and orange dress. "I'm one of the few 'bought-me-news', from the Grand Passage department store in Geneva, Switzerland, in 1965. I still get compliments when she wears me".

A modest little soft green sweater in the corner murmured, "I'm different from all of you--a 'bought-me-used', from a thrift store right here in Santa Barbara, California. I cost only $1".

Next to her, a lacy rainbow blouse lamented, "I don't know how I came into this closet". Then she cheered up, "But Tonia loves all of use, no matter where we came from".

PS. "Hi everybody", shouted the newest arrival--a jaunty bright red jacket. "I'm a hand-me-way-up', from Tonia's granddaughter, who didn't take me along when she went off to college".

HOW I WISH TO BE TREATED AS AN ELDER

2008-06-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

Seen first as a person and second as an elder

Accepted fully by any group I wish to join

Integrated fully into all aspects of life in which I choose to participate

Encouraged to participate when I hesitate (because of internalized ageism)

Expected to be able to do anything I wish--not wondered at

Validated for my qualities, regardless of age

Helped when I ask for help, or consulted when you don't know how

Respected for myself--not my longevity

Not given up on

Not identified with someone's mother, grandmother, aunt, teacher, or anyone in authority

SOME CAUSES OF THE OPPRESSION OF ELDERS

2008-06-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

In all industrialized countries under capitalism, when elders retire, and stop being useful to society as producers, they are seen only as consumers. In addition, since they tend to consume less, they are often cast aside, more or less forgotten.

In USA this situation is aggravated by the special circumstances under which this country was founded. When they decided to cross the Atlantic, most of the early settlers had to leave their aged relatives behind in the old country. In some cases they were no doubt happy to be free of domination by elders, who tended to run things, both in church and state as well as in the immediate family. Once here, as settlers moved on west in stages, they would often, again, leave their elders behind. As a result, the three-generation residential family was never the norm among white Americans, although it has always been so among the Native Americans, as well as in most other countries. Even in those countries where the elders do not actually live in the same house with their offspring, they often live close by, where they continue to exert a strong influence on the larger family. They receive a certain amount of respect and attention from their own descendants and from society in general.

Another factor peculiar to USA has been the premium that needed to be put on sheer physical energy to subdue the land, thus devaluing the contributions that older and weaker people could make to society. In fact, the urge to start anew, with fresh ideas, in a new land, precluded the consultation of elders in the search for solutions to problems never met before. Without precedents to follow, tradition does not play a large role.

Gradually, as USA society under capitalism began to develop a social conscience, the disgraceful "poor farms", to which indigent elders had been relegated, were replaced by retirement centers, convalescent homes, geriatric wards in mental hospitals, and even elegant gated cities and villages for senior citizens in what I call "golden segregation". Although provision for elders is now more adequate, they are still effectively left out of the main stream of daily life.

Once they have been thus so efficiently isolated, I think that this segregation is the main cause of the ensuing oppression. When we do not see a given group of people on a daily basis, we tend to get strange ideas about them (from lack of information). These are passed on unthinkingly and eventually become stereotypes. Significantly, small children who have regular contact with elders do not see them as "old", even though they may see other older people that way.

Since most all of us in this country are caught up in the youth cult, we tend to think of youth as the norm, and being young as the highest good. So, when a younger person does manage to meet an elder with whom she finds a common bond, and tries to bridge the age gap, all she can think of saying is, "Oh, you look (or act) so young!"--in other words, "You are really one of us--you don't belong with those old fogies."

A psychological cause of oppression can be related to adultism, of which it may be a by-product. Those of us who were abused, neglected or overpowered by elders as children may then feel antagonistic toward all gray-haired people.

Whatever the reasons, oppression of elders can have devastating effects. If the only way to be recognized and validated is by appearing young, some go to great lengths and expense to create the illusion of youthfulness, or to keep a job. Think of all the money spent on creams and operations to eliminate wrinkles, hair-dyeing, wigs, face-lifts, breast operations. Most of these means involve women, but men also suffer by trying to keep up physically with youth. And what about Viagra? After all this, it is not surprising that the oppression has become so internalized that elders themselves tend to validate each other in terms of their youthfulness.

I have noticed a special aspect of ageism that is combined with sexism, and could be thought to have a biological basis: older men are usually attracted sexually to younger women, presumably because they can reproduce. The reverse has not been true, because older men can reproduce. For millenia this behavior was vital for the preservation of the species. However, such is no longer the case. In fact we now have the opposite problem: overpopulation. But, older men continue to prefer younger women. I think this is an attitude left over from the past, not biologically innate, and reversible. One factor that is already counteracting this trend is aging movie actresses, instead of fading away, or making themselves up to act in younger roles, are finding roles for their real age and continuing to be attractive role-models for women.

AGING & AGEISM

2008-05-31T11:05:00.001-07:00

HISTORICAL SURVEY OF AGING

( I am indebted to the book, From Age-ing to Sage-ing, by Rabbi Schacter-Shalomi, for some of the ideas in this paper.)

We can think of societal attitudes toward aging as having gone through three phases historically. From pre-history to the Industrial Revolution, elders constituted a very small proportion of society and had honored roles as spiritual leaders, political advisors, and teachers of the young. With the new emphasis on production and consumption that accompanied the Industrial Revolution, elders lost their esteemed place in society. They became victims of gerontophobia-- an irrational fear of advanced age based on disempowering cultural stereotypes. Now, people are beginning to search for new models to ennoble the experience of old age.

During the first phase, elders were woven into the fabric of social life as political leaders, judges, sages, seers, guardians of tradition, transmitters of tradition and skills to the young. They served as bridge-builders from the past to the future. The Bible is lavish in praise of elders.

Among the ancient Greeks we find the sad beginnings of the gerontophobia that pervades the modern world. Their valuing of youthful heroism, physical perfection and beauty made them see aging as a catastrophy--a form of divine punishment.

The ancient Romans recognized the wise counsel of elders, who carried great legal authority in the Senate. This word comes from the Latin "senex"= old man.

During the Middle Ages Christian writers gave a new twist to the predicament of old age. They viewed decrepitude as divine punishment visited on humankind because of Adam and Eve's disobedience in the Garden of Eden. People thought of physical life as a sacred pilgrimage with the destination of eternity and the promise of salvation in the world to come.

Beginning with the Renaissance, this conviction was eventually overcome. Modern Europeans began to think of themselves as individuals with their own unique destinies. They viewed life less as an earthly pilgrimage to God and more as a career in the shape of a rising and falling staircase.This metaphor has dominated our thinking for the past several centuries.

CEREMONIES

2008-05-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

I think we need more ceremonies!

First, let's have a definition, so we all know what we're talking about. Here is what the American Heritage College Dictionary has to say: "A ceremony is a formal act or set of acts performed as prescribed by ritual or custom." My proposal does not exactly fit this definition, because I want to modify and/or invent some ceremonies, which are not prescribed in any way, except by me!

So--why do I think ceremonies are important?

During the last 100 years, American society has lost many of the institutions that gave it cohesiveness and held it together. With immigration by people from a wide variety of cultures, fall-off of membership in religious and civic groups, and increasing proliferation with accompanying fragmentation of interests, many elements that provided structure have disappeared. Under the influence of increasingly pervasive and sophisticated mass media, we were in danger of becoming a purely consumer society, passively absorbing information and impressions. However, one good sign is that further development of those same mass media is bringing about a radical shift toward an interaction and participation by way of the Internet.

Since many rituals smacked of superstition and superficiality, rational thinking has discarded them, thus depriving us of the beneficial ones along with the nefarious.

So--what are the advantages of ceremonies?

Reinstating and/or revising those that are positive and helpful can help bring balance in our lives between right- and left-brain activities, between thinking and feeling.

Ceremonies created anew by participants can be fresh, fun, and stimulating.

They can add dignity and meaning to what otherwise could be simply mundane transitions in life.

I have made a list of possible ceremonies in another entry,"Life Passages".

I have also written up my idea of a possible "Croning", stimulated by my attendance at one recently. Comments, additions, and/or deletions are welcome.

A CRONING

2008-05-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

One or more men/women take part.

The oldest female celebrant stands up in front of two guides: one man & one woman.

All women older than she stand up beside her.

She recites the names of her female ancestors, beginning with herself.

She recites the names & ages of her offspring.

She tells her life story, decade by decade, illustrating with memorabilia.

She tells what she is leaving behind, then what she is entering into.

The elder women each hug her in turn, then all welcome her into their ranks as a new crone.

The next oldest celebrant stands up in front of guides.

All women older than she stand up beside her.

Proceed as above.

When all have finished, all women younger than any of the celebrants stand up & join the circle.

Men repeat the ceremony to become sages, one by one.

When the circle is complete, all hold hands, join in singing an appropriate song or chant of joyful celebration, move around the room in a circle.

Refreshments are served.

LIFE PASSAGES

2008-05-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

birth--naming--baptism--child dedication

starting school

puberty--confirmation--bar/bat mitvah--coming of age

getting a driver's license

finishing high school--graduation--commencement

first job or starting college

attaining legal drinking age

engagement--betrothal--exchange of rings--commitment

marriage--wedding--domestic partnership

job or career change

becoming a parent--adopting

change of residence--housewarming

menopause--change of life

divorce--dissolution of marriage--becoming a widow/widower

life-changing illness

mourning

retirement--croning--saging

death--funeral--memorial service

year's anniversary of death--yahrzeit